I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
