He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
