I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
