When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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