so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
