i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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