my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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