My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
