Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
