my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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