Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
