My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
