people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
