i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
