I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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