yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
