Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
