I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
