You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
