had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
