And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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