guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm getting married
To pizza
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
