alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
