I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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