this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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