I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
