i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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