About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
