i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You made out with two different species that night
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
