You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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