If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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