Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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