It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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