And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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