I'm passing your future prison.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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