Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
