we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
