Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
