if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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