Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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