I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
