3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
