Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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