my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
