We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
