Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
