At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
