Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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