Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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