If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
