Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
