my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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