I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Drunk is not a location!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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