There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
