These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
