My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
