i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
