I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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