just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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