If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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