Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
All I want is dick and wine.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
