i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
