ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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