you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
