I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
