Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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