How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
