y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
