Me. At least after what I've been through.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Naked. naked and bneed help.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
