There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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