Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize