I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
