Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
