I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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