I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
