from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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