i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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