I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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