Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
