I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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