apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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