I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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