SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
